The Mystery of Lesbian Porn

This is something that has totally boggled my mind for years. Why am I unable to find REAL lesbian porn? Why does it seem like all “lesbian” porn is the kind geared at guys who fantasize about seeing two women together? Two women who are more likely than anything straight doing things to each other that no actual lesbian would ever want to do. Both of them looking like barbie dolls and wearing stripper clothes.

I’ve seen the youtube video of actual lesbians reacting to fake lesbian porn and I thought it was hilarious and so right on.

I know that guys are more likely to watch porn than women and that’s why they gear it to them. But what about us? What about those of us who want to see a butch girl making hot love to another woman – something that I doubt a guy could ever get off to? I want to see porn MADE by lesbians FOR lesbians. It’s gotta be out there somewhere, right? Where?

If any of you know where true lesbian porn is hiding – please let me know, okay? I’d really appreciate it 🙂

 

My list of sexiest women

My favorite hot awkward misfit girl! She has awesome style and is a great singer. Love.

My favorite hot awkward misfit girl! She has awesome style and is a great singer. Love.

Her hilarity and geeky roles (Liz Lemon forever!) would be enough to make her sexy.....aside from the fact that her physical looks are VERY sexy as well! And I love a girl in glasses (I wear them, too).

Her hilarity and geeky roles (Liz Lemon forever!) would be enough to make her sexy…..aside from the fact that her physical looks are VERY sexy as well! And I love a girl in glasses (I wear them, too).

Amazing actress and sexy as hell. I love her andro look and her red hair (even though she's blonde now).

Amazing actress and sexy as hell. I love her andro look and her red hair (even though she’s blonde now).

Everyone's favorite Gorgeous, talented, lesbian twins. I've seen them live 6 times and am going to again this summer. They rock my world!

Everyone’s favorite Gorgeous, talented, lesbian twins. I’ve seen them live 6 times and am going to again this summer. They rock my world!

My very first crush EVER. I am still one of her biggest fans. I am in love with everything about her from her songs to her gypsy/witchy style. I will always carry a torch for my Stevie!

My very first crush EVER. I am still one of her biggest fans. I am in love with everything about her from her songs to her gypsy/witchy style. I will always carry a torch for my Stevie!

The most beautiful torch singer ever. She was also in some of my favorite musicals. And she was rumoured to be gay.

The most beautiful torch singer ever. She was also in some of my favorite musicals. And she was rumoured to be gay.

I love a girl that is not only sexy but smart, too. And Rachel is probably one of the smartest women on TV, maybe even the country. And she doesn't take herself too seriously.

I love a girl that is not only sexy but smart, too. And Rachel is probably one of the smartest women on TV, maybe even the country. And she doesn’t take herself too seriously.

I wish she wasn't taken so soon. She probably would have still been gorgeous today. Her enormous brown eyes always draw me in.

I wish she wasn’t taken so soon. She probably would have still been gorgeous today. Her enormous brown eyes always draw me in.

Jazz singer from the '50's and early '60's, her voice is so beautiful. And I love her exotic look. I just learned she is Native American, Cherokee I think.

Jazz singer from the ’50’s and early ’60’s, her voice is so beautiful. And I love her exotic look. I just learned she is Native American, Cherokee I think.

The girl that turns straight girls gay lol. Even if you didn't fall in love with her as Shane, it's easy to fall in love with her beauty and andro look.

The girl that turns straight girls gay lol. Even if you didn’t fall in love with her as Shane, it’s easy to fall in love with her beauty and andro look.

The sexy queen of rock n roll. She kicks so much ass and is so tough. I can watch her video for "Crimson and Clover" a million times and pretend she's singing it to me!

The sexy queen of rock n roll. She kicks so much ass and is so tough. I can watch her video for “Crimson and Clover” a million times and pretend she’s singing it to me!

Her songs captured my heart and she is beautiful inside and out. She is still gorgeous today!

Her songs captured my heart and she is beautiful inside and out. She is still gorgeous today!

My hippie goddess. Her black hair, her amazing voice, her boho style and damn, those AMAZING eyes....I just love her! Plus, she has a totally crazy and insane side that is a lot like me :)

My hippie goddess. Her black hair, her amazing voice, her boho style and damn, those AMAZING eyes….I just love her! Plus, she has a totally crazy and insane side that is a lot like me 🙂

I've been in love with her since I first saw Juno. Since she came out I have only been in love with her more. She is so cute!

I’ve been in love with her since I first saw Juno. Since she came out I have only been in love with her more. She is so cute!

Sexy and androgynous, she is in some of my favorite movies like Girl, Interrupted and But I'm a Cheerleader where she played ultra hot Graham.

Sexy and androgynous, she is in some of my favorite movies like Girl, Interrupted and But I’m a Cheerleader where she played ultra hot Graham.

One of my first crushes as a kid, especially after seeing Return of the Jedi! She is also funny as hell and has written some great books!

One of my first crushes as a kid, especially after seeing Return of the Jedi! She is also funny as hell and has written some great books!

Talented singer/songwriter, incredibly beautiful and a lesbian. She's perfect!

Talented singer/songwriter, incredibly beautiful and a lesbian. She’s perfect!

Not only is she awkwardly gorgeous but she is funny and sarcastic, which I love!

Not only is she awkwardly gorgeous but she is funny and sarcastic, which I love!

The first of the blue-eyed soul singers of the '60's, her voice was amazing and so sensual. She was sexy as hell and also was gay.

The first of the blue-eyed soul singers of the ’60’s, her voice was amazing and so sensual. She was sexy as hell and also was gay.

The hottest and most badass female cop on TV. She is my ultimate woman!

The hottest and most badass female cop on TV. She is my ultimate woman!

My First Post!

Welcome to the very first post of my very unexciting blog! I hope to talk about a lot of different things but mostly about my life as a closeted lesbian and my lesbian lifestyle. Because no one, not even my very best friends, know about my identity I have a lot of inexperience and questions.

I’ve known I was “different” since I was in elementary school. Then in high school I knew for sure and I was miserable. I went to a small school in a predominantly Catholic town and the kids at school thought I was weird enough because I dressed different (kinda tomboyish goth) and listened to music they had never heard of. I had a close group of friends that I tried as hard as I could to be like. We talked about how hot the popular boys were and who we were going to take to Homecoming and Prom. When the whole time I had a crush on a girl a year older than me named Beth. She was so beautiful but she was a misfit, too. She never wore make-up, dressed in punk band t-shirts, had long beautiful light brown hair and loved photography. She hung out in a circle of mainly boys but never had a boyfriend. Of course, I would never have been able to get close enough to talk to her – she didn’t even know my name.

I went to all the school dances with boys but never got close to them, never had a boyfriend and didn’t want one. My best friend didn’t have a boyfriend in high school either, even though she tried her hardest to get one, so at least I didn’t feel odd in that way. I just tried to come off as picky. Even though there were nice boys at my school, I almost had the feeling that kissing them and going further with them would be disgusting. All I could think about was how amazing it would be for my first kiss to be with Beth.

I had plenty of celebrity girl crushes back then (and now, still), Stevie Nicks being my main one. Of course, I didn’t just love her because she was/is amazingly hot but I also loved her music and always imagined that she was singing to me. I still do.

But I am still so afraid of coming out. I know my friends would be very supportive, but I wonder if they would treat me differently and wonder/worry if I was attracted to them or coming on to them even though I don’t think of them in that way at all. Now they are all married and have kids and living the “normal” life. But I could never come out to my mother and the rest of my family unless I wanted to have them out of my life forever. They are strict Italian Catholics and would more than likely be disgusted with me. The only family member that I know would support me is my cousin. He came out as gay about 10 years ago and is a drag queen (a very good one, too – I try to go to as many of his shows as I can). But he is a pariah. And it made him very depressed for a long time. I think he’s coming terms with things now but I know how bad he had suffered.

I’m friends with Beth on facebook now. She isn’t married or attached and she is still gorgeous. And she is living an amazing life on her own terms, traveling all over and is very into outdoor sports. It makes me wish so much that I had been brave way back when because I would love nothing more than to be sharing her awesome life with her.